I always heard that fear was not of God but I never understood what that actually meant. It wasn’t until I was deep into counseling that I realized that my fears were of external things but I had internalized them. This internalization led to anxiety which only made my reaction to these fears worse. Once I started realizing that these fears were fear of man, I was able to better understand that they were not of God.
In some ways naming the “fear of man” made things easier. I know that if I am anxious about something, then that feeling is not of God. Therefore, I can place it under this category. Clear and simple, right? Well, I needed more than just this category. I also needed courage.
Just because I had been able to finally see fear of man as external and that courage from God would be the answer, it didn’t make things easier. Here’s a recent example:
All of March I had heard that TCU Catholic had pins in honor of World Down Syndrome Day which takes place on March 21st. The TCU Catholic GroupMe would send us reminders to go pick up a pin in support. My friend’s brother has down syndrome so I wanted to get a pin for her because I knew she’d appreciate it, but then the fear of man crept in and I became discouraged. You hardly attend anything at TCU Catholic. They are going to think you are just there for the free stuff. As a graduate student it is difficult for me to do everything I would like to do. It requires me to be a student, a first-year composition instructor, and a tutor. Then I am also a wife so my days are almost fully booked.
Despite this, TCU Catholic has always made me feel welcomed so I know if I need something, I can always go to them. In fact, in August of 2022, I had scheduled an appointment with Fr. Brett, one of the two priests at TCU Catholic, for some spiritual guidance. I was struggling with anxiety and depression and it was significantly impacting my spiritual life. I felt that my prayers weren’t working (which was obviously a lie) but I did need spiritual guidance. I knew that I could reach out to them and I could get help from one (or both) of the priests there. My meeting with Fr. Brett left me feeling prepared to fight the battles that I experienced as the semester went on. In that meeting, I asked Fr. Brett if I could meet with him later in the semester which, of course, he welcomed. However, life as a graduate student took over so I didn’t reach out to schedule another one.
Fast forward to March 2023, I still had not rescheduled a check-in with him. It had been plaguing me for months so I finally decided that on the same day I was going to pick up a World Down Syndrome Awareness pin, I would schedule an appointment with Fr. Brett. But fear of man does not make it that easy. He’s probably been worried about you. You should have checked in earlier with him. You took too long.
The day I had planned to go TCU Catholic I had spent all day thinking about it. By the time I was heading out from the English building to the parking lot so I could drive my car over to The Newman Center, I was fighting a constant back in forth with myself. I was getting frustrated with my lack of courage and fear of man so I asked myself, “Nataly, what do you want to do?” I responded, “I want to go to TCU Catholic and get a pin and make an appointment with Fr. Brett…Alright, then go do that!” So, I did.
When I got to the Newman Center, Gabe, the director of campus ministry, and the one who could help me schedule an appointment, was chatting with someone about the Dallas Mavericks. They invited me into the conversation and the three of us talked for about 10 minutes. After she left, it was just Gabe and me. I mentioned that I was here to schedule an appointment with Fr. Brett. He texted Fr. Brett some of my availability and would keep me posted if his availability lined up with mine. Then, Gabe and I talked about the upcoming retreat, one that I was unable to attend. As I was about to head out, he said, “Don’t be a stranger!” I responded, “I don’t want to be a stranger!” We laughed and he said I should come to a Newman Night which are nights where someone gives a talk about any topic pertaining to the faith like forgiveness or repentance. These talks are accompanied with dinner so that the community can gather together. Then Gabe said, “Nataly, you should do a Newman Night!” I could feel my eyes open wide and I said, “Me?!” He responded, “Yes! Message me with a few topics you would like to talk about and then in the upcoming fall semester we can schedule you for a Newman Night!”
What Gabe didn’t know is that I’ve always wanted to give some sort of talk about a Bible story or scriptures that were resonating with me. I had felt the Holy Spirit asking me to speak about God but didn’t know how, or where, to do it. I had always secretly wished that I could do a Newman Night but I obviously couldn’t invite myself to do it. Now, however, I was offered an opportunity.
After I told Gabe that I would be happy to do a Newman Night, I thanked him and wished him and the rest of the group a faith-filled retreat. And, before I headed out, I went over to the prayer table and grabbed a pin for my friend.
As I was walking to my car, I was filled with joy. I would be meeting with Fr. Brett soon, got the pin, and in the fall 2023 semester, I will be giving a talk at a Newman Night. Not only had I accomplished what I had wanted, I felt as if God was telling me, “See this is what happens when you have courage and don’t let the fear of man stop you!”
If I had let fear of man keep me from going to TCU Catholic on this day, I wouldn’t have been offered the opportunity to do a Newman Night. The following Monday I had a wonderful conversation with Fr. Brett, which could have been delayed also if I had let the fear of man win. As for the pin, my friend immediately put it on when I gave it to her!
Fear of man lets us down but trusting in God won’t. When we trust in Him, He will give us so much more than we planned but we cannot be discouraged. Courage comes from God, not fear, and especially not fear of man.
Isaiah 41:10 (NAB) says, “Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand”
Congratulations! Wooohooo! The spirit of fear is powerful when we allow it. Praise God you have learned to recognize it and are seeing victory in this area. This is a huge revelation that will produce good fruit in your life.
Thank you for sharing your story! Stories of courage help others be courageous!