On Patience and Trust: Nataly’s Newman Night Talk (TCU Catholic)

How many of you know people who like to ask questions while watching movies?

How many of you are the people asking the questions while watching movies?

I am one of those people who likes to ask questions while watching movies, and my husband hates it. I do it a lot so I can understand why it frustrates him. Recently, I started thinking more about why it might bother him. Well, he wants me to just watch the movie, right? He wants me to be patient and watch the movie!

I think the irony of being asked to do a talk on the topic of patience and trust is because I’m impatient. I don’t think you have to be an expert to talk about something, but it is also fitting because I feel like recently God has been showing me a new way to understand patience.

Patience has been something I’ve been thinking and praying about over the past few months. In fact, back in July I became frustrated with my impatience. I remember during this time I would pray for something but then almost immediately, I would turn around and start worrying about the thing I had just prayed about. This led me to do some research.

I went on Google and searched, “patron saint of patience” and this is how I got introduced to Saint Monica.

St. Monica, for those of you who don’t know, is the patron saint of patience. She is the mother of Saint Augustine who wrote Confessions, an autobiography which has had a big influence on Christian theology, and philosophy as well. St. Monica’s life was full of suffering. She could have easily spent her entire life complaining about everything that was causing her worry. She was forced to marry a pagan man who, in their marriage, would emotionally and physically abuse her. He was also unfaithful to her. He didn’t allow her to baptize her three children. In her suffering, she prayed and eventually, her husband converted to Christianity. Her son Augustine, however, grew up and lived a life of worldly things. This caused her even more suffering so, as we find out in St. Augustine’s Confessions, St. Monica prayed for her son for 17 years.

When I was learning about St. Monica, I stopped to think about why she was the patron saint of patience. How could you not be patient if you’ve been praying for your son for 17 years? I think I could maybe pray consistently for 3 years but 17 years? That’s almost like an 18-year-old that I teach in my writing class. I was so fascinated by her persistent in prayer. She suffered a lot, but still prayed. According to Confessions, St. Monica cried for her son almost every single night. They weren’t just any little tears either, but instead tears that flowed and flowed every single night for 17 years.

So, how did St. Monica consistently pray throughout all those years? How did she consistently be patient without giving up on what she was praying for? This is what struck me about her story.

In preparation for this talk, I started refreshing my memory on what are some stories in the Bible on patience. First, I thought about the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) which is a story that works well alongside the story of St. Monica. Then, I was reminded of the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth who waited for years to have a child. Another great story of patience.

I wanted something different though. Something that could teach me how to be patient or at least help me get a better understanding of patience. I went into Google and searched, “Scriptures on Patience.” I found this article written on the topic of patience. At the top of the page, it had a scripture from Luke 21:19 which said, “By your patience, you will save your souls.” So, I went into the Bible to this passage in Luke and read from where the section started to Luke 21:19. I was reading the passage, but it didn’t really have anything to do with patience. I still continued reading and I couldn’t find the word “patience.” In my head I’m like, “I thought this was supposed to have the word ‘patience’ in it?” I went through it again, making sure that I pointed out Luke 21:19 and that’s when I noticed that this version of the Bible uses the word “endurance” instead of “patience.”

I love words. I am a true English major. I love the etymology of words, so I was really excited when I noticed that this version used “endurance” instead of “patience.” For those of you who don’t know on Kindles, which is where I have one of my bibles, you have the option to highlight a word. When you highlight a word, it pulls up a little box that contains information like the definition of the word. I did that for “endurance.” So, what does endurance mean? It means enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving up. I was like, “Okay, we have something working here!” Then I went to the synonyms, which I also love. Here are some of the synonyms for patience: endurance, sufferance, resilience, persistence, perseverance. These words were a lot spicier than “patience!” I liked it. Patience sounds softer, like you’re waiting, and not being active, but if you’re having to pray for 17 years, you need something stronger.

True patience requires us to suffer, to endure, to be resilient. Thinking back to the story of St. Monica, especially with this new understanding of patience, I start imagining her as someone who is enduring the pain of her son living a life away from God, someone who was persistent in her prayer.

So, what are some of the things keeping us from being patient? Worry. Anxiety. Fear. All things that I struggle with to this day.

But let me bring you back to my movie example. I have reasons why I like to ask questions while watching movies. First, I get really anxious about the ending of the movie. I’m not talking about the endings of comedies or Disney movies. I get anxious watching thrillers or suspenseful movies. Most recently, I was watching The Dark Knight Rises. I got so invested in the story so I started getting anxious and asking questions, which is funny because I’ve seen the movie before. I forgot what happened at the end, so I started asking questions again.

My husband, who let me remind you doesn’t like when I ask questions during movies, says that if it is a good movie, my question will be answered at the end of the movie. This has stuck with me especially alongside the topic of patience.

The thing is that if the director of the movie is a good director, then things will wrap up at the end. My questions will be answered in the end. I think this is where this whole conversation brings us back to patience and trusting God.

Many people ask me what I want to do with a PhD. I want to be a writing program administrator which is someone who directs a writing program. If I imagine myself as a director of a writing program, then I have to consider a few things. Directors are in charge. People look to directors for guidance or support. I want those in the writing program to trust me, right? I want to guide them in the right direction. I want them to trust, wait, and then see that the decisions I make that impact them are the best decisions. So, how can this view or approach teach us to be patient and trusting of God in everything?

If God is the director, and we trust that God has the best plans for us, then it requires us to be patient. It means that we have to surrender our lives to God. When we do so, it means we are truly asking God to guide or direct us.

Sometimes our patience needs to feel more like endurance or resilience to get us through while we wait for our prayers to be answered. This doesn’t mean we can’t ask questions. This doesn’t mean that we can’t be upset when we haven’t gotten an answer for our prayers yet. I imagine that St. Monica, in her 17 years of praying for her son, was frustrated with what felt like an unanswered prayer. But how can this new understanding of patience as endurance help us to truly trust God and surrender to His plan? I pray that we view having patience as enduring through whatever questions we might have along the way and trust that God will answer them in the end.